It was summer of 2014 and I was shopping in American Eagle, as usual, no big spending, just needed some jeans. They kept pushing the AE Credit Card, so I gave in, at least then they would just shut up. Worst choice of my life. It started with being able to buy lunches while on a work break, and extended into insanely large online purchases. It started monthly, then turned weekly, then daily. It sure doesn't feel like money when it's plastic. And little do they tell you at the checkout, they're going to take all they can get.
Summer school full time with over 30 hours a week, Jason and I not doing super well at the time...retail therapy became the norm. It became almost impossible not to click "place order now". The rush of getting a package in the mail made me happier than anything I felt on a daily basis. I shoved the receipts in a drawer and ignored them...just plastic, right? No. And every payment I made, 24% of my bill was interest money not even going towards paying off my balance.
Months in and packages later, Jason confronted me genuinely concerned and mentioned "the shopping addiction". I laughed, it sounds so silly, doesn't it? Well, it's real. After realizing how much I had spent, how much I owed, how much interest payments I had wasted on the credit card company, and how many clothes I had that I would never even wear, and realizing how genuinely unhappy I was that a click of a button could make me giddy, I cried, and cried. The feelings were shame, regret, guilt, and finally, understanding.
Even after the realization, it was hard to stop. It had become a routine, when I got bored or needed a study break, or when Jason and I were fighting. And the cravings grew stronger. The ads you see on TV, the coupons you see online, the catalogs you get in the mail, and the promotions they send to your email, all temptations. It became hard for me not to come home from work without stopping at my favorite store across the street.
An action plan was what I needed, as well as something to give me happiness - a different type of therapy - so that is what I did. It changed my life.
The steps:
1. Motivation
List out reasons you need to change. For me the reasons were: Jason won't want a wife who can't handle money, it is real money, you don't need any of this, think of all you could have saved by now.
2. Guidelines
When you're a shopper, you're a shopper for everything. It'll start with clothing, and then shoes, and next thing you know you're buying what you don't need at the grocery store too. It's all about money control. My guidelines included no lunch out at work; if I didn't bring a snack it was my fault and I could eat when I got home. NO SHOPPING. I allowed myself a little something every month just to start off, Birchbox for $10 a month, just so I didn't feel like I had nothing left, and after two months I didn't even need that anymore. A refined grocery list was another guideline. I made a list of exactly what the essentials were for every grocery trip. The last guideline was to save receipts and track everything, to stop hiding those receipts from myself.
3. Inspiration
Where you keep your receipts, financials, or checkbook, have a small chalkboard or bulletin board with things to remind you of why you need to do this, whether it be for yourself or others. I included quotes, reasons, and motivation on my board.
4. The Change
The head-start to change is letting go of the things that you crave. For me, this meant going through all my clothes and really thinking "what don't I need?", which ended up being half my wardrobe. Even it I loved it, if I knew I was never going to wear it, it had to go. I took it to a consignment shop and got a check for everything they took, and I donated the rest of it. The key with this step, is that all consignment shops offer more if you take store credit, don't. This will just encourage the shopping. Take the money and leave the rest behind. Use that money for groceries, savings, or something else more important.
5. Finding A Hobby
I can't stress enough how much finding a hobby can change things. Especially if you find, like I did, that the root of the problem is unhappiness. If it weren't for this blog, I wouldn't have overcome this. Seeing that one person recommended a post, or that someone repinned my post on Pinterest, and seeing where my views come from, even though I don't have many, inspired me and made me happier than any online shopping trip ever has. A hobby, no matter what it is, should be something that you can spend just 15 minutes a day on, and it makes your day that much better.
These are the steps that I used to overcome my shopping cravings. Now, when I see outfits on Pinterest, all I think is "how can I recreate this outfit using what I have?", and it leads me to occupy my time with sewing, DIY, and researching creative projects.
Overcoming this hasn't just made me happier, but it has made my relationship a million times better. Jason and I are so happy right now, and he couldn't be more proud of me.
This post isn't just for people who had it as bad as I did. I hope that no matter your situation, you can find these steps and my experience useful. I did hours of research at the time that I was trying to fix my problem, and I felt like buying a book on how to stop kind of defeated the purpose...so I read some people's personal experience and knowing that someone else went through what I did, and much worse than I did, gave me hope and inspiration that I could do the same. I hope this does the same for you, because I wouldnt' change my experience. Although I still feel incredibly ashamed and regretful, this was a learning experience more harsh than most, and I can guarantee I'll never make a mistake like this again. After going through this experience, my wallet is sealed shut, and paying for groceries is even painful for me, it has made me more frugal than I ever thought I would be. If I can do it, you can do it.
Remember: You aren't alone.
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| http://infographics.idlelist.com/my-shopping-addiction/ |
xoxo
Well written, Amber and good for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Julie! <3
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